State of the Union Address? I want tuna!
Monday, January 28, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
My Fictitious Life #2
It wasn't what I was expecting. Attending the Democratic National Convention was only a trip I was taking for the fun of it. You know what I'm talking about. It was one of the trips that you can say, "I did that." But what happened at the convention was more than I could have possibly imagined.
I was getting a Diet Coke when I ran into some of the delegates. We chatted, and shared our opinions. On some matters we agreed, and on others there was a friendly disagreement. As we talked our crowd began to grow. We shared, they listened, and occasionally offered a "Here! Here!" This continued for hours until it was time for the delegates to cast their votes.
Then the delegates gathered to proclaim their votes. State by state I heard them saying, "We cast ALL our votes for..." and they shouted my name. At first there was a murmur in the crowd. "Who is that?" "What about positions on issues?"
Those listening to our conversations started answering them, explaining my positions with accuracy. It was like light bulbs went off through out the convention center. Suddenly people were shouting my name. Demanding I take the nomination.
As the majority of states cast their delegates for me, all but Oklahoma, I was overwhelmed. How do you respond to one of the two major political parties asking you to be their nominee? I didn't know what to say. I just stood there with my hands in my pockets when people carried me to the stage. Then I started my speech. It was a spontaneous speech, with a lot of Billy Joel lyrics.
I set out my economic plan, my health care plan, and my foreign policy. Much to my surprise, they were so pleased with these thoughts that even men were passing out. Electricity filled the hall. As the balloons fell down and the band played "Big Shot," I proudly accepted the nomination for the Democratic party to be president of the United States of America.
I'll see you at the inaugural ball.
I was getting a Diet Coke when I ran into some of the delegates. We chatted, and shared our opinions. On some matters we agreed, and on others there was a friendly disagreement. As we talked our crowd began to grow. We shared, they listened, and occasionally offered a "Here! Here!" This continued for hours until it was time for the delegates to cast their votes.
Then the delegates gathered to proclaim their votes. State by state I heard them saying, "We cast ALL our votes for..." and they shouted my name. At first there was a murmur in the crowd. "Who is that?" "What about positions on issues?"
Those listening to our conversations started answering them, explaining my positions with accuracy. It was like light bulbs went off through out the convention center. Suddenly people were shouting my name. Demanding I take the nomination.
As the majority of states cast their delegates for me, all but Oklahoma, I was overwhelmed. How do you respond to one of the two major political parties asking you to be their nominee? I didn't know what to say. I just stood there with my hands in my pockets when people carried me to the stage. Then I started my speech. It was a spontaneous speech, with a lot of Billy Joel lyrics.
I set out my economic plan, my health care plan, and my foreign policy. Much to my surprise, they were so pleased with these thoughts that even men were passing out. Electricity filled the hall. As the balloons fell down and the band played "Big Shot," I proudly accepted the nomination for the Democratic party to be president of the United States of America.
I'll see you at the inaugural ball.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
My Fictitious Life #1
It started out as a great day. I met my sister and nephew for breakfast, and off we went to the Houston Museum of Natural Science. All was going well until that moment. It was a moment that defines moments.
We had been through the Lizards and Snakes exhibit uneventfully. Then the journey through the Shanghai exhibit went off without a hitch. Finally, we made our way to our last special exhibit for the day...Lucy's Legacy: The Hidden Treasures of Ethiopia. This is where our day became adventurous.
You see, it is like this. My sister is a very kind-hearted woman. She is very kind-hearted, that is, until she gets upset. Looking at the wonders of ancient Ethiopia was quite exciting. We meandered through the artifacts that included religious symbols and paintings. We explored the jewelry and the statues. But then we got to the part of the exhibit where my sister's gentle side was removed. We came to the bones of Lucy. It was here that she, well shall we say, lost it.
As we looked at the ancient bones, she knocked off the protective casing. Sirens blared and security guards scrambled. She grabbed the jawbone of Lucy and shouted at it, "You're just a monkey. You're just a monkey! You are not my aunt!"
The security guards drew their tazers while she shouted, "Don't taze me bro! Don't taze me!" Her shouting was enough to bring out the braver in my nephew and myself. I had know idea he was so skilled in gymnastics and karate, but somehow he managed to use the decorative ivy to catapult himself and knock down one security guard. That was when I used my skills in the force to stop another security guard. I simply told him, "She is not a threat." To which he replied, "She is not a threat." With the security guards subdued, we convinced my sister to return the jawbone of Lucy to the case.
She then went into a very long soliloquy to those standing in the exhibit. She told them of the errors of evolution. She explained aspects of molecular biology that I don't understand or remember. But by the time our trip was over, all the visitors in the exhibit went wild. They couldn't believe the lies that they had been fed, and they demanded the exhibit be changed.
When our day was done and our mission complete, the three of us thought it would be great to end the day with some Chinese food. But our adventures into Mexican China Town are for another day.
We had been through the Lizards and Snakes exhibit uneventfully. Then the journey through the Shanghai exhibit went off without a hitch. Finally, we made our way to our last special exhibit for the day...Lucy's Legacy: The Hidden Treasures of Ethiopia. This is where our day became adventurous.
You see, it is like this. My sister is a very kind-hearted woman. She is very kind-hearted, that is, until she gets upset. Looking at the wonders of ancient Ethiopia was quite exciting. We meandered through the artifacts that included religious symbols and paintings. We explored the jewelry and the statues. But then we got to the part of the exhibit where my sister's gentle side was removed. We came to the bones of Lucy. It was here that she, well shall we say, lost it.
As we looked at the ancient bones, she knocked off the protective casing. Sirens blared and security guards scrambled. She grabbed the jawbone of Lucy and shouted at it, "You're just a monkey. You're just a monkey! You are not my aunt!"
The security guards drew their tazers while she shouted, "Don't taze me bro! Don't taze me!" Her shouting was enough to bring out the braver in my nephew and myself. I had know idea he was so skilled in gymnastics and karate, but somehow he managed to use the decorative ivy to catapult himself and knock down one security guard. That was when I used my skills in the force to stop another security guard. I simply told him, "She is not a threat." To which he replied, "She is not a threat." With the security guards subdued, we convinced my sister to return the jawbone of Lucy to the case.
She then went into a very long soliloquy to those standing in the exhibit. She told them of the errors of evolution. She explained aspects of molecular biology that I don't understand or remember. But by the time our trip was over, all the visitors in the exhibit went wild. They couldn't believe the lies that they had been fed, and they demanded the exhibit be changed.
When our day was done and our mission complete, the three of us thought it would be great to end the day with some Chinese food. But our adventures into Mexican China Town are for another day.
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